OK, so I tend to go on dating websites once in a while, because I’m a lonely, bitter, twisted nobody who hates most life forms. I find it odd that a lot of people on there, who are round about my age, can make themselves seem so unattractive. With names such as “delectable–mother” (aged 24, by the way) and “hugebitch” (from her profile, literally a huge bitch) they’re not so enticing, are they? Reading some of their profiles, you get huge, hairy monsters that are interested in dungeons and dragons, rap music and often even God (on a MAJOR level). It’s scary.

What’s worse is the fact that you get stalked by these people (the site actually calls it stalking.) And some even message you or rate you. Take a look at one person who rated me (five stars – how hot am I?!):

Six Things I Could Never Do Without

vibrator,masscara,mobile,alcohol,sex,heels

Jesus! She sounds more like a dominatrix looking for work than a potential partner. So, it’s difficult to judge whether these people are out for you or are out for someone to clean their toilet.

As for me looking for matches, then I mainly get old men rating me 5 stars and asking if I want to join them for some fun down the river and I’ve not had any success in finding any one that meets my strict criteria. I’m sorry to sound so superficial but most of my matches are absolute trolls. They may as well have tick boxes when you join “Do you like vacuous whores?”, “Do you like burns victims?” and “Do you enjoy conversing about how Jesus saves?” then there’d be a lot less confusion and a lot fewer bad matches for you to wade through – it would save me a lot of money on anti-nausea tablets.

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