When I first heard of ITV2’s “CelebAir” it conjured up images of washed out F-list celebrities pushing a trolley down an aeroplane asking if anyone wanted anything from the RyanAir gift shop. Well, this programme does not wish to disappoint, as that’s exactly what you get.
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“The Charlotte Church Show” – what?! Now in its THIRD series. Can you believe that? What the hell was the pitch like for that?
Idiot commissioner for Channel Four: So, who will present this new talk show in an awful timeslot?
Idiot producer for her show: Well, we’ve got this really annoying bitch called Charlotte Church, yeah?
Idiot commissioner for Channel Four: Oh yes! We’ve heard of her! Voice like an angel! Shame about her trying to go and do pop stuff. Didn’t really work out, did it?
IP: That’s actually why we’re offering her to you. She thinks she’s going out of the public’s attention and after she’s met all the world’s leaders she thought she might move onto some shitter people, yeah?
IC: Excellent. Is she cheap?
IP: Oh, incredibly!
IC: Fantastic [insert commissioner guff here about how she’s bound to stop knife crime, as she’s SO the voice of young chavs today]
IP: There is one catch though. She needs to talk about how’s she Welsh the whole time. Will that be a problem?
IC: Of course not! In fact, we’ll do a really good deal with S4C – no one watches that, what luck!
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